Debunking the Misconception in Christian Marriages
Marital problems are real but society has taught, more so; the church; that Christians who join together in Holy matrimony are immune to the many marital break-downs non-christian relationships face.
They said that trusting in God is the only requirement for a successful marriage. Unfortunately, trusting in God has been misunderstood to be premium insurance for mismanaged Christian marriages.
Godly marriages don’t work by the so-called trusting in God, they work when you work, marriages succeed when you choose to follow God’s biblical marriage principles.
Biblical Advice for Christian Married Couples
All Christian marriages were intended to be that stand-out example, a statement to the world, the desire of all marriages. Sadly, this is far from the truth.
Each passing day more and more Christian marriages plunge deeper into trouble and if something isn’t done very quickly then divorce, unfortunately, is the easy way out. That said, here are ten wise biblical advice for Christian couples.
1. Stay With Your Spouse Don’t Leave
Two is better than one, separation in Christian marriages creates an environment for the devil to spin his web and deceive.
Living together in the same house or apartment but living two separate lives is a sure sign of separation, and a marriage heading for divorce, this must be avoided at all costs.
- Ignore selfish feelings: the realization that the devil is at work should take precedence over your emotions. It’s very easy to make wrong decisions with uncontrolled emotions; do your best to avoid it and remember marriages only succeed when you make the necessary effort to make it last.
- Respond to the devil’s attack: to start, the Bible teaches that two are better than one; in the event that one spouse falls short, the other will lend support. It’s no surprise therefore that God does not delight in Christian couples who are isolated in marriage.
To achieve a healthy Christian marriage the onus is therefore on the more spiritual or knowledgeable spouse to counter-attack the devil’s treat. One must create the opportunity for the other to return and make peace, don’t pay too much attention to your emotions; they don’t agree with your mind.
The feelings experienced within are usually contradictory to your mind (the mind wants peace while the emotion wants revenge ) think long-term, muster enough courage, and do what’s needed to stay together. It’s easier said than done but it is God’s way to deal with separation.
No need to worry, you can hold God at his word, he absolutely honors obedience, you won’t be fighting alone, you can be sure of his deliverance.
2. Maintain Healthy Communication
How can two walk together unless they agree? The simple answer is no! In order to agree you must communicate. Unfortunately, communication or ( the lack thereof) is one of the major contributors that lead to divorce.
I have seen over the years from my own experiences that when things aren’t working out in a marriage that communication usually goes bad between spouses.
When communication is almost non-existent in Christian marriages one’s mind begins to think of everything else except a solution; “did I make a mistake in marrying him or her? was I really led by God to marry him or her? I should have listened to my parents or my pastor, I need a divorce”.
- Lack of communication is unhealthy: in all marriages but especially, Christian marriages. The mature spouse must make the necessary sacrifices needed to find a common ground.
- Find a common ground: isn’t difficult to do, it’s usually the easy part. Do something that you know your spouse loves whether it is going to the movies, going to the beach, going to a ball game, or just making a compliment.
Do anything fun and enjoyable that your spouse absolutely loves; then wait until the tension is gone to make your move.
Don’t mind if you’re resisted at first; stay calm and control the situation. And always remember that words were spoken gently turn away wrath but a harsh answer will lead to anger.
3. Keep Families and Friends Out
Well, not all friends and family but those that always have something negative to say about your marriage. At all costs keep them out. People like these will always critique your marriage to find fault, even though no obvious fault is there.
You can listen to them at your peril, they will persuade you to believe that your marriage was a mistake. There are occasions when friends and families who mean well will lend you advice but they cause more harm than good.
All marriages aren’t the same, not because it worked for them, guarantees it will work for you, avoid this pitfall.
- Be prudent: a wise individual is surrounded by wise persons, It means therefore that you must filter the advice you receive.
And what better way there is other than seeking God to distinguish sound advice from a meaningless suggestion.
4. Be a Spouse Not a Dictator
The Older spouse tends to be controlling. But I have found through many experiences of dealing with Christian couples that men are the usual culprits but a growing number of Christian wives in some way or the other tries to control their husbands.
Whether it be checking his phone to see who called or his messages or his emails or telling him where he should go and must not go or who he should talk to.
I personally don’t have any problem with a concerned wife but the issue here lies when it becomes excessive. Excessive control always leads to frustration and resentment which in some cases may lead to emotional and physical abuse.
If you have been married for any length of time you will understand that women can be quite moody at the best of times, In this case, it’s better to be;
- Silence: allow her to express herself in whatever way she desires while you stay silent.
Eventually, she will calm down, if she still doesn’t calm down then try talking to her about her behavior if this doesn’t work don’t start a fight pray, and ask the Lord to direct you to a mature church brother or sister that you can talk with and pray together.
This is God’s way of how Christians should deal with a controlling spouse. Be patient because this may take some time but God will come through for you.
5. Stop Comparing
The Bible teaches that we must not compare ourselves, which would suggest that we ought not to compare or marriages or even our spouses with other people.
At all costs, Christian couples must avoid the temptation to compare their marriages. It’s unfair and a pathway of no return.
It’s no secret that married folks won’t tell you of the faults In their marriage, they only highlight their successes in marriage, they paint a picture in your mind that there is something such a the perfect marriage, a marriage to be desired.
The problem of such conception forces a spouse to look at their marriage and spouse and begin to ask questions, “why aren’t you doing this? and why aren’t you doing that? and why aren’t you like this and why our marriage is not like them?” Again this is unfair and causes more harm than good.
There is nothing like the perfect marriage all marriages have issues to deal with but those that endure through tough and testing times are spouses who resist the temptation to compare with other marriages.
- Self-expression: appreciate your spouse for who they are, allow them to express themselves. And avoid placing any unreasonable expectations on them, learn to grow and appreciate them.
The Scripture teaches that God is the perfector so, just allow God to work in your spouse’s life and the results would amaze you.
6. Stop Nagging
The scripture admonishes us that it’s better for one to live on the roof of a house than to live in a house with a nagging woman. It’s hard for a nagging Christian wife to keep her husband at home, a man would rather sleep out at a friend’s house than come home to meet a nagging wife.
One of the most annoying things for a husband is to live in a house without peace, it can drive even the best of Christian husband nuts, which is rather unfortunate because the devil uses that opportunity to temp the husband to be unfaithful to his wife and to physically abuse her.
A wife plays a crucial part in the Christian’s household, as a result, she’s always in the center of everything that goes on in the house. The drawback to this is;
- Frustration: she is easily frustrated by the littlest thing, not intentionally but fatigue causes her to be stressed out.
The husband must therefore be;
- Considerate: understand her position, Instead of leaving her all alone in the house (which irritates her more) stay around with her, find out the reason for her behavior, make yourself useful, and assists in whatsoever way you can. This is one sure way to bring peace and calm to your marriage.
God himself said if you don’t forgive those who trespass against you that he won’t forgive you. There are spouses who have not forgiven the other for whatsoever wrong committed.
If ever there was a couple who knows about forgiveness surely, it’s the Christian couple. Sadly, this truth is not always the case, I have dealt with Christian marriages where wives just can’t find it in themselves to forgive their unfaithful husbands, even though they live together, the unforgiven spouse finds a way to remind the unfaithful partner of his unfaithfulness.
I don’t endorse cheating and I sure don’t endorse unforgiveness, unforgiveness does not solve problems in marriages but it creates more. It’s therefore, no secret that without unforgiveness there isn’t any peace of mind.
- Forgive: it’s the only way out of a lonely marriage. Forgive quickly and learn to trust your spouse again.
After all, if you can forgive your spouse “which is difficult” then can you be sure of God’s upon them, now the healing will process begin.
In the Bible, God admonishes all men to respect and honor their wives. Abuse is not an option whether emotional or physical.
A wife is God’s gift to man and should be cherished as such. I have seen from time to time that some Christian man just doesn’t know how to love and respect their wives the way God intended.
I have been in positions to see husbands abuse their wives verbally and physically regardless of the environment.
I must point out that not only Christian husbands abuse their wives but Christian wives equally abuse their husbands in the public. The Bible does not endorse such acts.
- Find time to understand your spouses’ dislikes: what irritates them, what makes them tick, what are those things that they absolutely don’t like you doing.
Now, when you have found out these things try your very best to avoid doing them; now you’re sure to have a happy marriage.
9. Maintain Intimacy
Yes, sex! Sex is not considered a “want” in a man’s life but a need. Your husband will not function properly without sex, even though he’s Christian when deprived of sex for prolong period he’s tempted to find a way to get what you need so, don’t deprive him.
The same can be said of women but only to a lesser degree. Most of the time when Christian marriages are going through turmoil, sex becomes an issue, though you may be upset and desire your share of revenge even if, it’s to starve your spouse from sex; avoid it.
One of the biggest mistakes that Christian spouses make is to stop being intimate with their partner, I assure you that this serves no good, it’s like trying to tell a hungry dog not to eat when the food is right before him, it just won’t work.
After all the Bible teaches that spouses should not deprive each other of sex except by consent from both partners. It’s therefore then no surprise that God knows that deprived spouses will go elsewhere if their sexual needs aren’t met.
- Don’t be naive: exercise caution when dealing with an unfaithful spouse, make sure the unfaithful partner is tested regularly to safeguard yourself from STDs.
- Coping with an unfaithful spouse: find a mature brother or sister from the church to talk with, pray together, and get as much support as you can. It’s hard but if you follow God’s principles you are going to receive his deliverance.
10. Trust God
God’s word declares that:
- God a stronghold in the day of trouble
- God strength to the weak
- God hope to the hopeless
At the end of the day, a good Christian marriage is built upon the foundation of trust in God, nothing will work without faith in God.
Do what you can to make your marriage relationship work but never forget that God must be the center of your marriage, practice reading together, praying together, and trusting in God together
I hope you enjoyed reading this article. Leave a comment below with any other suggestions about biblical advice for Christian couples
Final Word on Biblical Advice for Married Couples
Marriage is beautiful, but it takes two willing, loving, and considerate people to make it work. You may not see changes overnight. But I promise that once you stick with it, be kind, patient, and at all times show love, your marriage will last longer and grow stronger.
I do hope that this article on 10 biblical advice for married couples has been a blessing to you, if so, please share with those you think it may be a blessing to.