Having to deal with infidelity is one of the most difficult things someone can go through. However, You are not alone.
This post will show you how to deal with such a difficult situation. You’re about to tackle the topic of surviving infidelity head-on by opening this article! (You might want to save it now for future reference.)
Here you will find the assistance you seek, as well as some thoughts to help you get through this difficult period in your life. We pray that you will be able to heal from your ordeal and grow closer to God as a result.
11 Vital Surviving Infidelity Guidelines
1: Understand the threatening nature of your situation
Your emotions are obviously out of control right now, which is to be expected. However, keep in mind that, while it may not be your fault, you are in a very dangerous scenario.
Your marriage, and if you have children, your entire family is in grave danger. How you manage this situation will have an impact on the rest of your life as well as the lives of your children. You must consider the larger context of the situation.
This will be difficult due to the emotional hurt and sense of betrayal, but it would be unwise to allow those emotions to serve as an excuse for your own poor behavior. Make sure you’re not making any life-altering decisions right now.
2: Realize your questions are normal and important.
If you’ve found out that your spouse is having an affair, you probably have a lot of questions. These are the kinds of questions you should be asking and looking for answers to.
The following are some of the queries you may have:
- Who was it, exactly?
- When did it all begin?
- How did it all begin?
- I’m curious as to how long this has been going on.
- Do you still love them?
- Do you have feelings for me?
- How could you – to me – to us – do such a thing?
- Is it possible that some of this is my responsibility — have I failed the marriage as well?
You should ask all of these questions, as well as any others that come to mind. The first step toward recovery from this situation is to seek solutions.
However, don’t use these questions to lash out at your partner in a rage. Unless you have a response to one of your inquiries,
(Although this video is non-Christian in nature, it is thought-provoking and enlightening in terms of understanding why individuals cheat and how to rehabilitate.) Watch it and think about what’s being said about how to recover after an affair.)
3: Govern your anger.
People that are hurting, hurt other people – be careful not to hurt your loved ones right now.
Right now, it’s critical that you control your rage. There will be times when your feelings of rage seem overwhelming, but you must keep them under control. It’s especially important if you have a family.
Anger might cause you to make stupid decisions and act in unreasonable ways. It is typical for people in this situation to act irrationally and do things they would regret for the rest of their lives. It’s never fair to inflict harm on someone else as a form of retaliation.
Keep in mind that if you have children, any unreasonable or dangerous activity you engage in as a result of your rage will be directed towards them. Now is not the moment to lash out in rage; instead, you must regulate your emotions wisely.
4: Understand that false forgiveness is not forgiveness.
In times like this, grappling with the notions and ideas of forgiveness will be tough. If you’re going to endure infidelity, you’ll need to forgive, but only when you’re ready for real, sincere forgiveness.
That being said, don’t allow unforgiveness to fester inside of you for too long, or it will turn into bitterness. Nobody but you will suffer as a result of this.
Hebrews 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fails of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.
5: Don’t let this consume you.
Of course, this is excruciatingly painful, and it will consume you for a while. That is both natural and expected.
There are, however, healthy boundaries to these kinds of feelings, and you should snap yourself out of it if you notice it is eating you.
Furthermore, if you allow this to overwhelm you, you may lose your job, neglect your obligations, and become completely dysfunctional. As soon as you know you’re being overtaken by this problem, you need to take action. Seek advice from a close friend, a counselor, or a pastor’s wife. Most importantly, seek God’s assistance. He cares about you and loves you.
6: Be patient with yourself.
It’s possible that you don’t feel like you’re handling everything well. It may appear that you are not handling something right, or that you are moving too quickly. You could start to doubt your own abilities to make it through this.
Because each scenario is unique, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to overcoming infidelity. As you navigate your way through this trying time, be patient with yourself.
You are not the first person to feel this way, and you certainly will not be the last. Right now, you should be patient with yourself and move forward gently and cautiously. However, keep pushing forward in the direction of healing.
7: Realize your feelings and confusion are valid.
You’re probably reading this post because you don’t know what to do or how to handle this problem. Your mental and emotional perplexity is understandable.
This rollercoaster you’ve been forced to ride has been dreadful, frightening, and sickening, and I’m sure you’re ready to get off! All of those emotions are legitimate and natural.
You’re in survival mode, and you’ll probably stay there for a long until you’ve recovered from the shock. Don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t hold grudges against yourself, and don’t despise yourself. The confusion will eventually dissipate, and your emotions will return to normal.
8: You can save your marriage if you fight for it.
Though you may not feel like fighting for anything right now. You should fight for your marriage if your spouse is willing to try to restore it. Especially if you have a large family with multiple children.
I personally know of some married couples who have overcome infidelity and are happier than they were before. The adultery brought to light some fundamental flaws in the marriage, which were addressed and improved via counseling and prayer.
Remember, you once loved your partner so passionately that you were willing to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them. That is why you are currently feeling so deceived. Fight for your marriage and make it a success.
9: Be careful who you take counsel and advice from.
When you’re hurting and looking for help, don’t listen to folks who have been divorced because of adultery. They will almost certainly give you incorrect or terrible advice. This isn’t always the case, as some people will be honest enough to confess they made a mistake and will urge you to sort it out.
You should seek advice from someone who has been married for a long time and has either survived adultery or has assisted other married couples in surviving infidelity. You want assistance from someone who has successfully navigated through a crisis, not someone who has failed to do so.
10: Don’t sabotage the marriage.
In these situations, it is not uncommon for the betrayed spouse to seek vengeance. Some flee and do the same thing to their spouse by having an affair with someone else. This just goes to show how toxic the atmosphere was previously, and how it most likely contributed to the adultery in the first place.
DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! You’ll live with the consequences for the rest of your life!
If you have children, they will learn about it someday and will probably hold it against you. Attempting to sabotage your marriage now effectively seals your fate and eliminates any hope of rehabilitation.
Now is the time to protect yourself and your children. If you’ve had any emotional affairs since the betrayal, end them immediately, and move on.
11: Pray for yourself, your spouse, your marriage, and your family.
In your marriage, don’t underestimate the power of prayer. Marriage was established by God as a picture and metaphor of Christ and the Church. God wants you to stay married, and I’m confident that if you start praying right now for yourself, your spouse, and your family, the Lord will hear you.
If you haven’t been to church in a while, this is a terrific opportunity to return. Find a Bible-believing, Bible-preaching church and seek forgiveness from the Lord.
Surviving infidelity necessitates the use of prayer. Pray that God will heal your heart and lead you to a point where true forgiveness is possible. Pray for your marriage, your partner, and your children every day. Pray to the Lord for renewal, love, healing.
Final Word on Surviving Infidelity
There is hope for those who have been betrayed! That said, this could either be a stumbling block in your marriages, or a time to grow in love and faith.
Moreover, your partner may be unwilling to work things out, but you should do everything you can to find a solution. If they refuse, your conscience will be clear, and you will be able to move on with the knowledge that you done everything you could.
You might want to check out our GREAT ARTICLE “5 Proven Keys to a Great Marriage“.
We hope that this article on surviving infidelity has been helpful.